February 06, 2013

How Things Can Change

It was a really shaky and stressful start for my little family and I. My husband ever the panic-boy, my older son who had to adjust to the whole scenario, and me who unfortunately have pelvic floor prolapse, somehow managed our high-need baby. Well, he was an extremely high-need baby for the first two months of his life but on the day he turned 2-month old he transformed into a happy smiley baby and from then on, things began to be a lot easier. For that part… because you see, he is not the only one who is undergoing changes…

It is amazing and heart-jerking how 10 months can change us.

My high-need infant is now a jolly, Curious George, classic Kewpie baby who likes to eat and go out of the house. His infant wails and crankiness forgotten.

Within 10 months my sisters-in-law already got themselves new babies.

Within 10 months I acquired many “mommy-friends” through Instagram.

And within 10 months, my eldest son is now officially a teenager.

My son, my teenage son, who I am honestly currently struggling with, is a teenager who I sometimes really think is an alien who took over my sweet child. It is amazing and truly heart-wrenching how 10 months can change us. And sometimes it is not for the better.

I am coping with my teenager the best way I know how and I am truly blessed to have his school and my mother by my side. Is it a trend nowadays? To be so “I hate life”? Or was I like that too when I was young? Do we all really go through that phase, that phase of rebelling? Or did I stumble being a parent to him, too busy with my new baby who is also increasingly different everyday?

After a lot of consultations, it is apparent that puberty is hitting my family hard. From having serious crushes, to locking himself in a room with music on so loud, to slamming the door at my face – it really took me by surprise. It is exactly what I see in movies. And admittedly, it is like how I was when I was at his age. You think the teenagers in movies are exaggerated, but I kid you not, it’s the real deal. Of course I am not generalizing, but lo and behold I have the typical teenager.

His voice significantly changed and he is now taller and stronger – the physical changes went hand in hand with the changes in his behavior and overall attitude. But despite the big change, the baby I know surfaces from time to time asking me for kisses and hugs, dedicating his artworks to me and his dad just because, and questioning why I don’t leave sweet notes for him anymore (I leave notes for him by the door when I leave unplanned).

All the people who are guiding me in this journey insist that my boy is still sweet and very bright and that hormones are just inevitably taking over. We have to ride this wave the best way we know how to make him the person I dream him to be – a compassionate human being.

During this time, I am also evaluating myself. It frustrates me how easily my temper blows. I am also ashamed to admit that there are times when hurtful words fly out of my mouth. This is a time for me to go back and meditate and reflect what kind of parent I want to be. This is a challenge for all of us.

The changes that are going on with my baby is significantly as important and noteworthy as the changes that are going on with my teenager. They are all milestones, all marks in our lives, every little detail vital for our growth.

I am grateful that I stay home with my sons. I watch them both grow, I watch them both tackle every obstacle life has to offer. I am observing them both ever so closely, ready to catch them when they fall, literally for the baby and figuratively for my teen.

I just hope the Universe will grant me wisdom, courage, patience, and strength to guide both of them to be the best person they can be. 

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