April 19, 2012

Change is the Only Constant Thing In this World

I have always wondered how it feels like to have more than one child. I thought the Love would be divided. Such a fool to only realize now that the formula is multiplication. I have always been poor with math. But despite the abundance of Love that I am feeling, I found myself crying buckets of tears the other night. Mourning the death of an era when it was just me and my little bestfriend.  

I thought I was emotionally ready to have a new baby. I didn't realize that it entails saying goodbye to my solo moments with my eldest son. My solo moments with him, where nobody and nothing else matter but him. 

It just hit me like a dead end. There is no turning back.  

Luckily, I have a dozen years worth of precious moments with him. I'm still teary-eyed just thinking about it. We were once robots, we dove inside books together, we really are the best of buds. 

Now my prince will share his mother with his feisty dragon brother. I know he's not at all bothered by this new arrangement. After all, he did wish for a sibling and he'll be a teenager in a few months time. There will be so many changes happening soon. He is about to cross another bridge and enter another chapter of his life... Just when his mother is busy with someone else.  

Alas, it is his father's turn to build him now. It his father's duty to make a good male teenager out of him. Now is their time to have their own private jokes, their own nasty secrets, their own journey. Just like what his father did for the past years, I'll be by their side, not really an active player. Rather, a coach or a guide of some sort. At most times, probably just a spectator. 
By the time I emerge from the stage where I am done rearing the dragon (and hopefully a princess too), he'll be a man. No longer my Little Prince. Something I failed to foresee as part of the Big Change.

But such is Life. The only thing constant is change. Anicha. Anicha. Law of Impermanence. What arises will soon shall pass...

I closed a chapter with a heavy melancholic Heart but that doesn't discount the fact that the Little Prince and I are off to another exciting adventure... One which includes our Little Feisty Dragon.

April 11, 2012

Calm and Blissful Birth

When I got pregnant with my first son, I wanted to use the Lamaze technique. But I never got around to learning it because my son came out two months early. The unprepared 19-year old me practically begged to be put to sleep during the entire birthing process which was, regrettably, granted to me. I have done a lot of things that I am not proud of during my first pregnancy that it is almost a miracle that I have a relatively healthy son. We had to rehabilitate his lungs for years but nonetheless he is a survivor of my juvenile mistakes (ignorant decisions).

But, as he himself puts it, he wouldn’t be who he is now if I hadn’t done the things I did. He only has gratitude. He’s such a positive thinker!

This time, with my second pregnancy, I am obviously smarter. No alcohol (not that I’m a heavy drinker anyway). No cigarettes (hey, 5 years clean!). No drugs, illegal or otherwise (well, aside from the meds I took when I bled around my second and third month). Suffice to say, I am conscious and aware that I am responsible for my baby’s well-being and I am taking it seriously. (Well, not too serious… yes, I snuck Krispy Kremes and candy bars in my diet. Hehe).

From the get-go, I am determined to give birth naturally. I will take no drugs to numb or ease the pain. My heart is set to do this 100%. Besides, my mother did it 5x, my sister-in-law twice. Why can’t I? I want this birth to be drug-free as much as possible.

There are tons of techniques. There’s Lamaze and Bradley to name a few. But I think I’ll do it  the “Vipassana” way, if such a thing exists. I learned a meditation technique a year ago and it had helped me in many ways. I have not been meditating as often as I should and now that I am 1cm dilated, I promise to meditate and prepare at least 2 hours a day. Because I want a calm and blissful birth.

What is a BLISSFUL birth?

I did not coin this term but I am glad to finally put a name on it. I have this ideal birth in mind and tried to search online for it. After several months of different keywords and twenty or so articles, I stumbled on the perfect one. The article is called “BLISSFUL BIRTH”, written by Tamika Hilder. The article really reflected my beliefs and gah! It’s just so spot on.

I might mess up the whole idea if I use my own words. Here is the link to the article.

I am lucky I found this article. Otherwise, I’ll doubt my decisions and capability. I will listen to my instinct and I hope the people who will surround me during my second son’s birth day will respect my decisions and will not think I’m cuckoo. My OB already said she will support me but will have the “necessary” drugs prepared just in case.

I will have instruction sheets for everyone. I will inform them of my decisions and requests. Requests like having Chunky Chips Ahoy, ice-cold Chuckie and Reese’s Butter Cups by my side right after giving birth. Hey, I said it would be blissful, right?