And Another One of Mine Turns One

My youngest son turned a year old last June 18. He has 8 teeth, he can say a couple of words, he can take small independent steps, he can last 10 hours without me, and each day that passes, he shows more and more of his personality. I gave him the moniker “gentle happy knight” because when I gave my second son the “feisty dragon” moniker I didn’t expect him to be literally feisty (and yes, turns out he has a thing for dragons). I don’t know if it was pure coincidence or just Law of Attraction at work but I didn’t want to risk it hence “gentle and happy knight”! Haha!

The birthday boy. He was a bit unplanned. My husband and I were planning to have him around 2014 and even then it was still a decision we had to carefully make. Alas, he was conceived October of 2013 while I was currently trying to get the hang of handling several jobs but I went through the pregnancy with so much happiness so much so that I didn’t stop happy donuts in my diet.

He was weird when he came out. We couldn’t place who he looked like and he had us guessing even weeks after his birth. The realization came late: he looked like the boys of my mother’s nuclear family, the Spanish blood evident. From the very beginning he’s a smiley happy baby.  I believe the moniker worked. Although we have yet to see if he is indeed a gentle being because so far this is what we gather: he is very demanding and impatient. He will scream and get really frustrated when he doesn’t get what he wants right away. He is also ma-bibbo, likes to show off his new skills. He can open and close his fists at will only a few months old, he can wave “buh-bye” at 10 months, he can dance and “sing” if you ask him to. I know these are basic “baby tricks” but understand I didn’t experience that with my feisty dragon. He was too feisty to perform “baby tricks” for us.

Until now I don’t know what I have gotten myself into. I added another human in this world, so much responsibility to bake this dough-boy into perfection. There are hundreds of moments when I just stare at him and think: You are the third person I have to take care of. It’s no joke to be responsible for a life of ONE human, what more THREE. It’s an overwhelming thought. It’s more scary than exciting. At the same time it is an overwhelming joy. The Love and Peace I feel every time I caress his sleeping face is just priceless. I would just stare at his tiny hands, tiny feet and the awe is powerful. I have done it to 3 babies, it never gets old.

Twelve months on Earth and I am still getting to know him. Still adjusting with this life of being a mother of three children. Still overwhelmed. 

 

The Birthday Celebration

The Concept and Venue
We wanted to celebrate at the Fun Farm again, just like the dragon’s 1st birthday but since we knew there’s a huge chance of rain, we opted for The Purple Owl (which is basically our home anyway). We knew we wanted it to be down-to-earth and simple but fun (not really a fan of loud and noisy, commercial character-ridden birthday parties, especially for first birthdays) so we came up with “gardening” party. At first the concept was to push living a healthy lifestyle and the party food was supposed to be all-organic and all-natural but I procrastinated too much with the preparation and just went and ditched the whole organic thing. I was also supposed to put several “bars” (popcorn bar, juice bar, and apple pops bar) but I knew we would run out of space since we decided two days before the party to hold it indoors. The kids activity was supposed to be out in the garden, I asked our gardener to prepare plots so kids can plant. It was ready a week before the party but we had to opt for indoor activity instead and came up with “paint your plant’s pot”. That’s really the whole idea of holding it in our place so we can choose indoors even if it’s a last minute decision.

When he was only a few months old, just by chance, we kept getting stuff that were dominantly orange and teal so it was a no-brainer that his color-scheme would be those colors. I wanted to veer away from Hoot Design’s usual bare wood look so I painted the wood white and added denim for a twist. The carrot just happened.  I guess it's the ultimate orange representation of a garden? Hahaha!

The Twist
I didn’t want it to be just a gardening party so I added a bit of twist to it. I came up with the copy “Plant Positivity” and “Sowing the Seeds of Happiness” so it has a relation to who my son is (a happy baby).  If there’s one thing I regret not doing it is not doing the word balloon props for the studio I made for the photo booth area. It could have been cooler had I provided word balloons with those lines. The photo booth area was where people sat and relaxed and had their photos taken ala-photo studio. The photos were one of our give-aways. We also had mini clay pots the children took home after they painted it. For the older guests, we had fruit-bearing plants like calamansi, passion fruit, papaya, and guyabano.

The Blessing

Just like with my second son, we blessed the happy knight with our very own loving energy. No priest, no pastor. Just us. We asked them to channel all their good intentions and well wishes to him and we asked them to envelope him with their Love.  We also carefully selected special few to be his beacons. It was simple, meaningful, heartfelt, and not tied to any religion but open and accepting.
 

 Click HERE for more photos! :)

Onto Upper School for the Prince

My son started Upper School last June 15, still in Acacia Waldorf School. He planned to leave the school because he was determined to expand his social circle, try new curriculum, basically explore a new world in a traditional school.

He crammed studying for the entrance exam and after a week we were notified that he didn't make the cut. His grade school teachers were shocked when they learned he didn't pass because they were all confident he would. Now they're saying it's probably because of the limited slots (he was the very last one to apply). I am thinking he failed the exam. I really don't know. Because the school didn't even bother to elaborate why he wasn't accepted. It was just those two cold words, high-technologically albeit impersonally stated on the computer screen: 'Not accepted'. I am not kidding you, it was only those two words. Nothing else.

I am sad for him but quite re-assured that I don't like traditional schools. I e-mailed them asking if they care to expound and all I got was a computer-generated unrelated response. When my son first tried to enter grade school, he took an exam in this progressive school in Quezon City. He wasn't accepted but I was given a thorough and comprehensive analysis as to why he didn't make it and even got a good recommendation to enter Builders School, a then-up and coming non-traditional school that specializes in teaching children to read love reading. That is how you help people learn. In fact, when we left Builders (because we have to move to Tagaytay), his kind and capable teachers expressed their hopes and fears for my son. We felt the love and concern. That is how a school should be: teachers are more than just people who robotically shove information in our heads. They're our mentors, our guide, our friends.

Alas, I guess my son is just a number to them. A faceless, character-less entity who has to reach certain points arranged by them. I am not mad, bitter, or even disappointed. That's just how it is in their world and, apparently, it works for a lot of people. Some might point out that it is just how the "real world" works but in my opinion, our world should be about helping one another, reaching out to one another in our own best ways. It is totally okay to be denied acceptance but at least explain why and, if possible, point out the necessary steps one has to take to improve. It's not "baby-ing", it's called improving the society.

Well, like I said before, it all boils down to how you personally define what education means. My top priority is to teach my children compassion and during the admission process of the traditional school he tried entering I didn't feel or see a tinge of it. I am now sure, more than ever, that it isn't for me*.




*"Isn't for me" doesn't mean it isn't right for him. He will try again come next school year and we'll be here to support him no matter what.

Hello Life

It's funny how this blog started with my Kind Prince as the main character. Now we have the Feisty Dragon and yes, now the Happy Knight. I can't believe within four years my little family is now bigger.

Our third child was a little bit unplanned because we aimed to conceive on the year 2014 but I got pregnant October of 2013. The Universe has different plans. In fact, when I was pregnant with our Knight, we didn't know his gender until the very moment he came out of the womb while it's no secret we want a Princess in our story. So perhaps maybe 2017? Who knows.

I haven't been updating this blog as often as I want to but I will try my best to tell stories that transpired and will also be keeping it up to date. Life just seriously happened. I started two businesses in the past two years (here and here) while still holding my current job as an art director in our family multi-media studio, and like mentioned above, gave birth again. I'm even cooking up 2 more businesses. In between managing work, tandem breastfeeding, attending school meetings, consuming hundreds of milk teas, looking for the perfect yaya (we all know this is almost an impossible mission), I got too busy simply enjoying what life has to offer and resorted to instant (photo) blogging on Instagram (follow me!).

Let's kick-off by simply telling you how my day started today. My day started at 2am with my Dragon and my Knight beside me, both awake, both wanting to nurse. So I tandem-fed them. After which, I checked the bed if it was wet with wee-wee then checked their butts. Because that's just how we roll. My toddler didn't have an accident but I changed my baby's cloth diaper. We slept again. Around 4am, same scenario. Because life is so awesome, it's mainly about boobs and butts.

Around 6am, my Prince came inside the room to prepare for school and so the other two decided to also officially start their day. The Prince got busy with his outfit (which is cool, if I say so myself, hello camo pants and beanie), the Dragon got busy punching everyone and stomping his feet, the Knight got busy being half-cranky half-excited to play.

Hello Life.

Then it got a little bit more interesting because I placed my toddler in a corner after he punched everyone but the "corner" happened to be his closet so he grabbed his Godzilla outfit and insisted he wears it. He stripped off his jammies and got inside Godzilla and became Godzilla for around 8 minutes, decided it was too itchy and hot, removed it and decided to stay naked. So he was naked when they went out of the house for the usual morning mini-walk in front of the house.

Oh yes. This blog will be interesting.

Welcome Back

I have been on hiatus for more than a year. My last entry was last February 2014. I was 4 months pregnant at that time with my third child and between that and today, things have been quite fast and confusing and a bit sad. First off, my financial status has been (and still is) incredibly shaky. Having no fixed income can be quite exhausting. Secondly, I lost my last grandmother and my one and only uncle on my mother’s side. My one and only Godmother has been in and out of the hospital, wowing everyone around her, time and time again, as she fights all the cancer in her body. Sigh.

On the very bright side, I gave birth last June 18, 2014, without anesthesia again. Funny that this is a mommy blog yet I never really wrote anything about my pregnancy (I think I only have one super-crammed entry regarding my journey with No. 2 in my tummy). It’s as if I avoid talking about it which is totally the opposite because I’m passionate about the wonders of child bearing. I’m passionate about breastfeeding. About using cloth diapers. About feeding my children the right stuff (yet watch me feed them Mcdonald’s French fries from time to time because I am frustratingly inconsistent like that).

My eldest graduated last April and will start Upper School this Monday, June 15. Three days after that my youngest son will turn a year old. My middle child is now 75% Godzilla.

I will try my best to fill in the blanks as I move along. For now, allow me to welcome you all back to Silverpixiemom.  

What do you know? I have THREE sons now!

 

What Education Means To Me (Why I Love Waldorf)

Discussing and choosing the right kind of education is like discussing and choosing a religion. It all boils down to: what is education to you?

I had no choice when my eldest was in pre-school since I wasn’t the one who paid for it, and quite frankly, I was too young to weigh for myself what was truly important. He did go to a good pre-school but really, what makes a school “good”? My then-5 year old boy was studying fractions and geography and I thought that was the new norm because when I was in pre-school we only had time for stories, clay, play, snack, and naps. In hindsight, my son’s school was that kind of school that saw children as numbers, as academic statistics. It was all about how many toddlers they can send to Manila’s top schools. I never aspired my son to go to those “top schools” but that kind of education and environment surely made me question the capability of my own child: Why hasn’t he learned how to read yet? Is there something wrong with my child? I didn’t know then that I was asking myself the wrong questions.

Learned fractions, the 7 continents, and so much more! I thought it was all good...

"When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down ‘happy’. They told me I didn’t understand the assignment, and I told them they didn’t understand life.”
― John Lennon

For the first two years of his elementary life, I sent him to a non-traditional school, also in Quezon City. It was a non-conventional school and they approached learning in a fun and interactive way. My son learned how to love reading in this school but in retrospect, the whole approach was still too cerebral. I didn’t know then that I wanted more for my child. I didn’t know then that there could be so much more to “educate”.

When we left the crazy city and moved up to the mountains, the nearest school that appealed to my taste was Waldorf. At first it was too radical, but between “too radical” and traditional, I chose the former. And I believe I made the perfect choice.

The Transition

If I am to profile a typical 2008 3^rd grader, they would be little people who were into High School Musical. Their shoes a wide variety of funky Chuck Taylor. They consumed hotdogs and fries like there's no tomorrow. They're into Spongebob and Harry Potter. They owned things like iPods and iPads with Linkin' Park and Soulja Boy MP3s.

When my son moved to Waldorf in 2009, he was so disappointed that his FrancisM moves didn’t appeal to his new classmates, heck they didn’t even know who Francis Magalona was. He was disappointed that his new Chucks were irrelevant. He was disappointed that he wasn’t allowed to use stickers with skulls and other ‘Chemical Romance’ or ‘emo’ things on his lunchbox and notebooks. Instead, he had “odd” classmates. He had classmates who played with wooden stilts and/or knitted tote bags during breaks.

I admit I was culture shocked.

With his classmates who were, naturally, into exploring bugs at the age of 8.

I thought my son’s love for “emo” stuff was “self-expression” and I tried to question the teacher about it. What I didn’t realize then that it wasn’t “self-expression” at all, but rather, pop culture reflecting off my child. And the goal of Waldorf was to find out WHO MY CHILD REALLY IS before he can explore pop culture. Before the Hanna Montanas and Sponge Bobs of the world corrupt the child, Waldorf education digs deep and encourages them to grow as who they really are with detailed and age-appropriate curriculum. As one parent shared, during one of our many book studies, “I decided to move my daughter to Waldorf because she was no longer herself. She acted and sounded exactly like the character she watches on TV. The scary part is, it wasn’t only her but her classmates as well.”

It may seem “wrong” to block off the “real world” to these children, but if you think about it, what is real and what isn’t? How can a child find out the “real side of him” if he is bombarded with people and things to idolize and mimic? How can they enjoy nature and spend time with themselves when they’re already addicted to the moving graphics of computer applications and cartoons? I came to realize that cognitive knowledge, emotional and spiritual learning, practical and physical skills are well achieved if there are little to no exposure to Disney, Cartoon Network, Eat Bulaga, and the likes in the first 12 years of a child’s life. I don’t know about you, but I certainly don’t want media to define my child. (Read why Silicon Valley hot shots send their kids to Waldorf here and here).

Finding Out What Education Means to Me

Five years in Waldorf and I am still learning a lot of things about my son. My responsibility doesn’t stop at when I pay the tuition fee and I don’t assess his progress through numbers on papers alone. Not just based on his squiggly paint lines, or crookedly crocheted Christmas ornaments, even. My son’s teacher meticulously explains what goes on in a person as they sail through one developmental phase after the other so we have a better understanding or a good advantage when assessing my child’s behavior, temperament, interests, language, and rhythm. The teacher fostered a solid partnership between us and in effect, made me realize that my responsibility doesn’t stop with my child. It goes on a social level and so I started learning how to echo the values of the entire community and vice versa.

“The healthy social life is found when, in the mirror of each human soul,

the whole community finds its reflection and when,

in the community, the strength of each individual is living.”

- Rudolf Steiner

Blame it on my pregnancy, but I was teary-eyed one day when we had a question and answer portion with Waldorf kids. One parent asked them to describe their future selves and they said: "happy, inspirational, and helpful". "Aren’t you already happy, inspirational, and helpful?", a parent pushed. They said they already are and so much more, but they want to continue being so in a global scale ten years from now. I half expected to hear the usual: ‘Successful businessman’, ‘brilliant doctor’, ‘rich lawyer’, and so on and so forth. A fool I am to forget for a second that these children aren’t molded like other children. Other children who spend 8 or more years of their school life brainwashed to think that in order to survive this world is to study hard and get a job that pays well. Other children who are used to measure themselves through how many medals they have around their necks. Other children who are exposed to the idea that their worth is as good as how many games their school wins on national TV.

What truly matters to me is for my children (and other children!) to grow confident, compassionate, respectful, grateful, appreciative, helpful, generous, and to have enough sense to survive this world without succumbing to nasty tricks. I want them to be whole, I want them to be the kind of people who will never be cynical, jaded, and selfish. I want them to be citizens of the world and I want them to know that the power to attain real freedom and peace comes from within. Excellence in academics is just sweet bonus.

I agree with what a co-parent said on the video above: The world would surely be a better place if there are more schools like this.

I am not saying I am trying to raise a Ghandi. Truth be told, my teen lies and tease people like any other teen, heck he is even addicted to MineCraft. I’m just happy I have a solid idea who and how I want them to be and I am grateful I found a school to make me realize these things and help me achieve it the best way possible. 

The only competition is yourself.

Fishing to kill time with school friends. No iPads/iPhones allowed.

Biology class: Cooking healthy food for the body

I want my sons to be confident, compassionate, respectful, grateful, appreciative, helpful, generous, and to have enough sense to survive this world without succumbing to nasty tricks. I want them to be whole, I want them to be the kind of people who will never be cynical, jaded, and selfish. I want them to be citizens of the world and I want them to know that the power to reach real freedom and peace comes from within.

READ MORE:

Let It Go

The Struggle and the Acceptance
Our struggle with my eldest son is that he needs constant reminding of everything. Ever since he was a little boy, his father and I would always have to remind him his daily duties. From simple things like brushing his teeth before sleeping to feeding his dachshund. None of those duties are complex, in fact, they're your everyday things. But with my eldest, we checked on him all the time. Even when there's a list of his duties displayed on the wall.

He would leave his brand new bike out in the rain right after his long and serious talk with his father about taking care of bikes. He would fail to bring extra clothes even after reminders. He would forget to wear his dental appliance even after warning him that he'll be grounded if he does. He'll have a hard time executing a 4-step instruction because by the time you're done explaining the fourth step he already forgot the first one. He sometimes wears his clothes topsy-turvy without him noticing unless someone points it out. These and many other things have been happening for a decade. Our long and serious talks about him would happen 4-6 times a year. There were times that I would literally pull my hair out.

He doesn't mean to be stubborn or naughty or disobedient, he just naturally have a forgetful mind. Rather, his mind is always somewhere else. The person who had the hardest time accepting that is my husband who was almost always disappointed, and he always wondered why his son "never learns". This created a weak relationship between the two.

Friendship hindered since his father would always interpret his absent-mindedness as disobedience and obstinacy.

The second person who has trouble accepting him for 'what' he truly is, is my mother. She thinks she knows my son well, often giving unofficial diagnosis/analysis on my son's behavior, so much so she insisted (even sponsored) for my son to see a high-profile (and very expensive) child psychiatrist. After several sessions and thousands of pesos, the final (and official) diagnosis of the renowned doctor was this: My son is a very kind person, he just needs constant rhythm in his daily routine, and if he appears to be disobedient, know that it's normal among teenagers. In short, my son is normal. But my mother still insists, up to this day, that my son has Attention Deficit Disorder. In fact, you would always hear her say that my son is not right for traditional schools because he would be shunned. Take note that my mother's favorite grandchild is my eldest son. Maybe that's the very reason why she thinks he's special and that he needs her protection. But it doesn't help. Especially when my son hears her talk like that, he starts questioning his capabilities.

Don't get me wrong. It's not like I didn't go through a phase of anger, disappointment, frustration, and denial. I went through all of those. It's not easy. I sought the help of teachers, mentors, and doctors in Waldorf multiple times and they've given a few insights here and there to help us cope.We tried many methods and we would often end up asking ourselves where we went wrong. Our frustrations didn't help at all because it was too tangible for him that he'll often express his anger and confusion towards himself. It was a nasty cycle that we were all too tired of.

I guess it all boils down to this: Do not expect perfection from your children.

He's a fine kid. He would tell lies here and there like any other kid, snarl and snap at people he dislikes, but overall, he's a very nice and sensitive kid. He's smart, sweet, thoughtful, generous, gallant, polite, helpful, artistic, optimistic, funny, and list goes on. If only we could just focus on his gifts rather than his shortcomings (or rather just embrace his "shortcomings"), then it wouldn't be that hard to raise him.

Year 2014: Officially a Teenager
Alas, he's now fourteen. So much mental, emotional, and physical growth had already occurred. But it's not too late for us to channel our energies somewhere else. We have to surrender and accept that he just have a sanguine temperament. We have to let go.

The Universe granted us the perfect chance to let go. My ever-generous parents gave me and my brother our own "starter homes", and it is conveniently near my son's school. Our arrangement this year is that my son would move in to our new home with his cousin next to my brother's house where he lives with his wife and 2 other children. While pregnant with our third child (oh yes, dear readers, I'm pregnant again! More on that soon!) I am to stay in my parents' house with my toddler because it is also where I handle 3 jobs. To shuttle myself back and forth would be too taxing for me. Then my husband has to be in the city, which is an hour and a half away, during weekdays. Suffice to say, we are only complete during weekends now.

He lives here now with his cousin, my godson, who is only a year younger than him.
My brother's house is just next to mine, so in effect, he is under their care.

It wasn't easy reaching the decision to let go. In fact, my husband and I spent several coffee dates talking only about what could happen to our son. We were scared. We were unsure. We were apprehensive. Who will be there to take care of him? Who will be there to remind him his duties and chores? It was a 50/50 deal. Our son can get worse - and never bounce back, or he can step up and improve - and we'll have a smooth future.

We are only 3 weeks in and so far so good. There's a vast improvement according to his teacher. Her term is: He is now more awake. More conscious of his schedule, responsibilities, and tasks. One thing I love about Waldorf (my son's school) is that their teachers have a very personal approach. She has been my son's teacher since third grade in a low-population setting. That means she has the capability to track our children's overall growth.

One of his new daily chores: Watering the newly landscaped garden

He has the whole year to step up and prove to us (and more importantly to himself) that he can stand on his own two feet. It's probably a good change for him that no one is breathing down his neck all the time. I have no idea if he brushes his teeth before sleeping since we're far away from each other now, but as his mother, instinct is telling me that it's the right time to say "so what!" and just let go...

Nurture Vs. Nature

My youngest son has proven to be such a feisty dragon. Perhaps the Universe made him so because I blessed him that moniker a month or so before he came out to the world. Had I known, I would have called him ‘the gentle dragon’ instead. Thoughts become things?

As an infant he would often scream for my milky breasts and he would also constantly crave for company. We co-sleep but got him a crib for the times when I need to work and he needs a safe area to play in. But even if you throw in colorful blocks and soft rattles, he would demand to be picked up and played with. He knows exactly what he wants and he will do scream and cry his best to get it. We knew right away he was going to be that kind of kid who will be hard to lug around malls.

As of today, he’s three months shy from turning two and here we have a toddler who terrifies his little cousins. The mere sight of him can send his cousins running towards their parents shuddering in fear. And I don’t blame them. My son screams at them, pinches them, and violently pulls their clothes. He’s a natural bully.

Some people are quick to judge these kind of kids. They label them as “bad” and they are quick to conclude that these kids are poorly taken care of. They assume right away that these kids learn such “bad” behavior from the television. They assume that these kids are violent because they’re exposed to violence.

Let me tell you something. When my eldest was growing up, my husband and I were growing up too. Suffice to say, we would always have really violent fights in front of our son. He was also exposed to television with cat-trying-to-hurt-a-mouse kind of cartoons. I was barely around and I was more or less a child myself but he has proven to be one of the gentlest human beings I have ever known. On the other hand, my feisty dragon doesn’t watch cartoons (save for Rise of the Guardians – a current obsession, will write about it soon). And we don’t have fights in front of him, save for occasional small and petty arguments here and there. My work-life scenario also changed, I have more time now and I’m more attentive, relaxed, and patient.

Let’s face it. My dragon is a very feisty one. He was born as so. But if you get to know him better he’s also naturally sharp, charming, and playful. He’s generally a happy kid. Especially when well fed!

After 12 years of having just one child, I thought babies were given to parents like plain cookie dough and it’s up to the parents how to bake them. Whoa, I was wrong. Children are born already half-baked! And they’re not all cookies! Some are bagels, cakes, sourdough bread, pan de sal, and some are even pizzas. It’s up to us, the parents, on how we'll fully bake them to perfection. It's all about how to nurture nature.